Reclaiming Joy (& Myself)

The last few months have been a season of growing and thinking for me. I realized around Thanksgiving last year that I was not in the right mind set. I knew God had greater things in store than I was allowing. I had lost the joy in my mind and it was hard to find my voice. In a lot of ways I was lonely. I missed being connected to God through art, I missed my friends and I was lonely for my Savior. You know, a person can be very busy and still very lonely. Business is a clever mask and can delay truths that need explored.

I began reading, praying and breathing in Scripture more than ever before. Not in a spirit on fire way (although, that would be awesome, and I believe we all have those mountain top experiences). It has been more of a slow, natural mind changing process. With life, there are always set backs - lies we tell ourselves and too often believe, a harsh comment from someone else, or just being tired can all make us lose our focus. I had to remind myself that God loves us (me) in those times of set back just as much as the moments of forward living.

It takes courage to allow ourselves to fail and get back up in His strength and purpose.

He is showing me that it's all a process, a day by day, moment by moment focus on Him. It is so good when I actually pause, let go of control, ignore the lies, and pray with sincerity and purpose. Not always easy, but always fruitful.

I suppose it began last fall when I read John Ortberg's book, The Me I Want To Be. I have been a John Ortberg fan since I was 19 and read Love Beyond Reason. Both books changed my way of thinking and have given me great seasons of insight. I found myself highlighting so much of the The Me I Want To Be. It is rich with God's truth, honesty and a push to move forward. It discusses personality types, relationships, the importance of work, and God's goals for our lives. He speaks a great deal about the importance of letting the Holy Spirit constantly flow through us. Really powerful, yet readable, ideas. One quote that helped me realize I was clinging too much to myself and needed to open up was when he wrote,

I can only be loved to the extent that I'm known.

To be fully known and fully loved is the most healing gift one human being can give another. James writes, "Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed." We are all forgiven, recovering sinners, and no one can be secure in a relationship if they are loved only because they are smart, pretty, strong, or successful. Sin isolates us, and sin and isolation will make us sick in our soul and even our body. Confession and then prayer, connectedness to each other and to God, ushers in the Spirit and helps bring healing.

- John Ortberg, The Me I Want To Be
(referenced James 5:16)

Wow! I had become so caught up in my business, and myself, that I let go of connection. Connection to Mr. Schalk, connection to friends, and the most important connection to God. Life takes work and work is good! I am so grateful to serve a God who wants us to work and grow in Him and in love for His people. The last few months have taught me that life and relationships take work. Just like watering a garden - you must plant and take care of what you want to grow. I have been blessed with deeper, more honest, relationships than ever. I still have much work to do, but I can tell my mind has been changed and I am finding joy again.

We are all blessed with different ways of learning, and different reading styles. It's quite wonderful, our differences. I am drawn to these kinds of ponder your soul and become the best version of you books. If you are the same way, then this book will not disappoint. If not, I pray you find your best outlet to connect to God and let Him fully fill you with His joy.

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

-Hebrews 12:1-3

Jesus had joy in his darkest hour because he knew he was doing God's will. It could not have been easy, but I cannot imagine a better way to endure suffering than focusing on our Almighty God. Jesus is indeed the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. A perfect example of what we aim to be as we find joy in all seasons. A reminder I am writing on my heart as I seek joy in my every day.

Where hearts are sincere, they will be glad.

- John Ortberg, The Me I Want To Be

xo, Rachel