Mama's Girl

"Mama Huggieeeeee"

"Bon Huggieee" (poor Bonnie...not her favorite activity)

Last night Cricket was out of sorts. She went to be early, around 7:30, but woke up at 1am and was not a happy camper. We think she had a bad dream because our normally independent girl wanted nothing more than her Mama. Mr. Schalk turned up the heat (she likes to sleep warm) which helped. He tried to hold her, but she still called out for me. She would absolutely not fall asleep in her crib. She usually goes back to sleep on her own. At the most, will go back to sleep after I come in and rub her back for a minute or two. Last night, however, she was literally crawling out of her crib and into my arms. She kept saying, "Mama hold, Mama hold." So, I held her close, rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. We sat in the rocking chair and snuggled for the longest time. It was the only way she would calm down and rest. When she was in my arms she was completely at ease. In her crib she would sit up and cry her sweet head off. It was bittersweet. I felt bad for her and desperately wanted us both to sleep. Yet, I also knew to appreciate the moment of closeness because it too was fleeting.

I'm new at all this Mom stuff. Even now. She will always be my guinea pig...my special first born. Every day is new and different. I didn't know what to do except hold her and tell her she is safe and loved. So, we sat together for a verrrrrrrry long time. She slept on my shoulder and I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed for her and I prayed for my loved ones. And, truth be told I prayed she would fall asleep in her crib so I could get some kind of sleep for the day that awaited me. I told her that "Mommy is very sleepy and wants to go night night" and that we would play as soon as she slept a little bit. She finally dozed off around 4am. I crawled into bed and slept for another hour and a half until I had to get up for work.

My alarm went off too early for the night we just had and I told it to, "shut up." Yes, I did. And, I meant it. Blasted thing. I am so cranky without sleep. But, it's okay. My sweet girl needed me, and I was able to be there for her. I've never been that important to anyone before. And, as tired as I was today I am reflective on the sweetness of those moments of holding her close. In the still night, when all the world is asleep and you're holding your little one close, that is when God reminds you just how good it is. Even when it is hard.

I let her sleep this morning and she woke up to her Nana's big smile. They were off on another wild and wacky Wednesday adventure. Now we are together again, just another weekday evening. My happy girl running from my arms, as usual. Tonight I had to take the time to stop and write. For memory's sake. Because the Lord knows I won't remember the details when this long day is done. I don't mind forgetting bad dreams, but what a shame if I ever forget one single moment of love between this rag tag group I call my beloved family.