This must be how all the
brave become artists: Quit trying to fit. Why try to squeeze all your
extraordinary into ordinary?
I read these words and I get quiet. I look out the window as
I finish my lunch and I think to myself, “Will my whole life be like this?”
Will I always be confined to these walls of ordinary while my heart bursts at
the seams for more? I am confident that I have talents unused, but fearful of
exploring those and really digging into who I am. What am I afraid of? Getting found out? It
doesn’t make sense when I write it. What is there to be afraid of if I am being
true to myself? All the same, I know fear lies in the quiet dark waiting to
capture me in its lies. Be gone and to God be the glory who gave me these
creative desires. Yet, I still wonder. Will I live my whole life with this
crazy longing, never being brave enough to let go…and fly?
So many times I don’t understand my purpose. I don’t see the forest for
the trees. I survive without living. As a wife and a mother I feel alive and full of joy. These are the best days I've know. Personally, deep down in my creative soul, I feel...dry. When did I lose my spark? When did I lose
my humor, my drive, my...self? I thought I grew past fear and then it crept up
again. Crept up along with my desire to create something…anything…just to feel
useful and alive. I’m tired of the ordinary.
In all these frustrations, I feel God coming back. He never left, but I can feel my heart
getting directed back to him. Spring is in the air, and I feel just brave enough to dare to slough off the mundane. I am tired of this circle of self doubt, boredom
and fatigue. For the first time in 13
months (yes, 13 months!) I have slept. Truly slept. The dreams are coming back
to life. This time I’m not going to stop them. Somehow I have to find a way to
truly live in the little time I’m given. I must slow down and find Truth. In
the Truth (God’s Truth) I am certain lie my dreams, my heart, and my canvas. I’m
on a mission to find my creative heart again.
Inspired by Ann's post
About A Cupcake for Moose
Combining my childhood nickname of “Moose” and a sincere passion for all things sweet, A Cupcake for Moose was formed in 2009. Follow along this Midwesterners joyful, slightly dorky, always unique perspective on life as I seek to glorify God through photos, stories, recipes and laughter. With my wild at heart husband, Mr. Schalk, our two babies, "Cricket" and "Chief", and our crazy pup, Bonnie, it is sure to be an adventure!
xo, Rachel
All photos taken by me unless noted. Please ask before using. Thanks so much!
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