vulnerable, take 1

Since we are on a music kick, the new David Crowder Band cd came out yesterday, Church Music. Oh dang, this is not your grammy's church music. I love hymns and even Elvis' gospel tunes (reminds me of listening to my grandma's records when I was little), but this is polar opposite. I'm pretty much thrilled about this album. Originally, I wanted it for the song, How He Loves. It's one of the most beautiful love songs I have ever heard.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us

David Crowder Band, Excerpt from How He Loves

This song was written by John Mark McMillan in 2005. I am sure the "original" is fantastic. This, however, is the first version I have heard. I don't know music terms. I just don't. You would have to ask Mr. Schalk for all things musically technical. But I know what sounds good. And David Crowder Band sounds good, especially on this song. The guitar, the build up, the evident heart tugging Spirit fed sincerity of his voice. Blows me away. My heart is open and thrilled to serve a risen Lord, a living Jesus, a sweet powerful amazing Father.

Of all the things swirling through my head this week, I am feeling a bit reflective. I have been thinking a lot about a conversation our small group had last night. It was after we watched a Rob Bell Nooma dvd called Tomato. The topic: life and death. The premise: Dying to live.

Did you know that food is the most nutritious right after it's been harvested? Tomatoes right when they are picked are the best for you. Right when they die. It's odd to realize that fruit and vegetables were living at one point. We harvest them for our nutrition. They die for our life. The things that are the most nutritious for us are those that were living at one point. Tomatoes versus Twinkies. Poor Twinkies, always get a bad rap.

This all comes around to the verse found in Luke 9:23-25 (NLT). Jesus says to his disciples,

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?"

We must deny ourselves to find our true freedom in Christ. How much is what I say to impress others? Or at the very least, to appear special or intelligent or funny or better? Christ is working on me. He needed me to hear this, to reflect to be changed. In fact, I saw this dvd twice in one week. Not by choice, but by purpose. God's purpose.

What does it mean to be vulnerable? To be exactly who God made me? Nothing more (boasting) and nothing less (denying my purpose)? It cannot be answered in one evening's post, but it can be thought about.

A purpose of this blog is for me to keep a journal. I don't expect others to find all of this interesting, but it is helpful for my brain to release. I think of these things and get so easily distracted. I am tired of being moved by Christ and distracted by Satan. I want to be on fire for my Savior. Alive in the truth. Coming back to posts like these helps me to stay focused on the Truth of Christ.

Readers are an added bonus. So, if I turn you away I am sorry. But this is me being vulnerable, being alive in Christ. Or learning to.

Much love, Rachel